Failings

What does one do when you let a besetting sin that you cannot seem to kill come between you and the Lord. You are going blissfully along sharing wonderfull fellowship, things could hardly seem to get better, then BAM, IT shows up in your heart and mind and body. You know better but you chase after your sin, you revel in it, all the time knowing it is wrong. You push your RIGHTS as if you were equal to God or as if He were just another man. Then comes shame and you look for the fig leaf and promise with the help of The Spirit never to do it again, knowing full well you will as you have time and time again. One begins to wonder will or has the patience of the Lord past a point of forgiveness and caring because you have sinned knowingly. As has been said," that which I would not do I do, and that which I would do I do not do." I often wonder how will the Lord change me at death that I will be able to enter into His house and rest and still have any vestage of the being I was in this life, for I am assuming perhaps wrongly so that we will not all be automatons with white robes and harps, hardly worth the Son Of God dieing for.